Someone In Control
by Destany Mitchell
Summary: A ficlet taking place during the I'm 18 plotline. Contains lots of long winding road spoilers. You have been worned. Each chapter a song from Trapt's cd, Someone in control.
1. Bleed Like Me

ok peeps, this is going to be a minor ficlet using Trapt songs. I'm not sure how far I'm going to take it, it really depends on you guys. So far I have planned two chapters, Bleed Like Me and Skin Deep. You'll see how it's going to go...but let me know if you want more. haha. Sum: Pretty much takes place after I'm 18 part 2. This includes my theories about Hunter, Angie, Darius, and Tommy. I started it thursday night with the intention of posting it friday before I'm 18 aired, but I got sick and that didn't happen. I just finished the little bit I had to do and I changed a piece of my theory to fit 18. I originally thought that maybe Angie was Tom and Portia's daughter; not his girlfriend. Anyway, Lemme know what you think.

Spoiler Warning! Lots of Long Winding Road and some to I'm 18 Part 1. Read with caution if you haven't seen the eps.

Italics - Song

Bold - Flashback

Regular Text - Present

* * *

**"Bleed Like Me"**

"Tommy, don't do this!" She said, tears falling down her face, her voice pleading, begging. I could feel my heart breaking, but for once in my life, I had to stay strong. For her. One day, she'd understand. For now…I needed her to hate me. If anything happened to her…I couldn't even think about it. She's the only thing that keeps me sane. Keeps me going.

"Jude, don't make this harder than it already is." I spat, trying to keep my face blank.

"What happened about how I"

"I don't love you." I spat and her speechless gaze was enough to kill me. I had to keep strong. I had to let her think I hated her. She was breathing hard, trying to keep her emotions in check. God Jude, just do something. Anything.

Her hand moved faster than I could see, slapping me hard across the face so hard my head whipped to the side. I could barely feel the physical pain because of all the emotional pain I felt.

_Have your nails scratched the deepest_

I turned back to her, trying to say something, anything. She just glared at me, her eyes more broken than I have ever seen.

Her hand connected with my face once again and I let her. I deserved much worst for this.

_Have you broken skin this time_

"I hate you." She spat, tears running down her face.

_  
Made your mark and took me deeper_

Her words stung. Hurt far worst than her physical blow.

"I. Hate. You." She spat again, her eyes burning with fury and I couldn't meet her gaze anymore. I'll never forget that look. It'll forever haunt me like Angie's death and Hunter's revenge. I couldn't let him use her against me. He could take anything and everything but I couldn't let him take her.

_As you drown me with your eyes_

"Jude," I started, trying to think of something, anything to make this better.

_I held my hand over your mouth_

"God, Tommy!" She yelled, shaking her head. "How can you just…just…" she stopped, pursing her lips, searching for the right word. "Stand there!"

_As you scream at me to feel_

"That's the difference between us, Jude." I stated, keeping emotion out of my voice - a sick habit I picked up in juvie - I had to or else I'd break like her. Like I have so many times in the past. I wasn't the man she wanted me to be. Needed me to be. I had to work to that expectation. She just didn't realize how much.

_You felt my scars with understanding_

She stared at me in confusion, waiting for me to say something, anything. "I don't feel anything." I lied as I left her standing alone. After I passed her, I felt a tear fall down my face.

_But I can't promise anything_

I left Jude's party, getting out of G Major as fast as I could. Once in the parking lot, I kicked the tire of my car and slammed my hands down on the hood, cursing.

_Can you tell_

I just lost her. The one person who I needed most in the work and I shoved her away. I should have listened to Darius. I should have listened to my instincts and stayed away.

_That I picked my poison well_

"**Remember T, you're still a mentor. She's only 17, Man."**

"**She's my co-producer!" I argued back, knowing I was lying through my teeth. I had her 18th counted down in my head for the last year. "And she'll be 18 in less than a week!"**

"**So, what's that suppose to mean?" Darius asked, challenging my intentions. **

_That I have no more to sell to you_

"**That I've done everything you've asked. That I've spent the last five years trying to make up for what happened! But Jude and I…we're none of your business." I spat at my boss. I was grateful for what Darius did for me five years ago. He kept my life even when I thought it was over…still feel like it. Jude was the one good thing that ever happened to me and I wasn't about to let her slip away because of Darius. **

"**OK. I just don't wanna see anyone get hurt. Like Angie did" I winced. It was a low blow, but I knew it was true. "And Jude is my artist."**

"**But she's my girl." I stated before leaving Darius alone in the G Major studio, more determined than ever. **

I felt emotion well up inside of me and I tried to put it down. I couldn't think about it. I couldn't let myself show weakness. I had to be strong and I had to deal with Hunter on my own. And if that means letting Jude go to save her…than I would do it. I was a natural loner. People get hurt when they get too close to me. I don't need anyone, never have. I could get by without Jude.

_Is it really that important that I settle down_

I got in my car and turned the key in the ignition, the Porche roaring to life. I took a few deep breathes to calm my nerves and put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot and leaving the parking lot of G Major.

_Does it really even matter that I have my doubts_

Doubts that Jude and I would work. That I wouldn't ruin her life like Kwest so kindly pointed out.

_I search for the one who bleeds_

I drove home, careful to make sure I wasn't being tailed. Paranoid, but I knew Hunter was watching me. Waiting for a moment to destroy me.

I made it home in record time and went up into my pent house apartment, going straight for the liquor cabinet and poured a glass of Jack and downed it.

_I reach for the one who bleeds_

"**Tom!" Hunter's voice yelled out. I slammed the breaks, praying to a God I didn't believe in. The tires squealed and I lost control of the car, spinning into the opposite lane of traffic. **

_I forget to dream in color_

**I tried to get control of the car, but it was too late. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the inevitable. I heard Hunter's gasp and hand hit the dash as he braced himself. In my mind, I saw Angie's surprised face, frozen on the sidewalk. **

_I am better off alone_

I snapped out of my thoughts and poured myself another glass and downed it, Angie's cries echoing in my mind, and tears stinging my eyes.

I never even saw her previously. I was too wrapped up in telling Hunter about the ideas I had for the band. I wasn't paying attention…and I killed her.

_Honest hearts are undercover_

"**Tom, you let me handle this." Darius told me. I just nodded, I couldn't think of anything. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't hear anything except for Angie's scream. I killed her. I knew D was angry with me, I know everyone was angry at me, but I couldn't feel. I couldn't think. I could only stare at the pavement where Angie had been before the paramedics took her away to the morgue. **

_We are shadows on our own_

I shook my head. I had to stop thinking about Angie. About the past. About the cover up Darius enacted. About the lie that sent Hunter to jail instead of me. The debt I forever owed Darius; one I thought I could run from. But I couldn't run from the past. I tried. I quite the band, made an attempt to go on my own but Darius locked the attempt. I know he did it because of Angie; to punish me more. It wasn't about artist integrity or any of the bullshit he claims.

_Lose ourselves in open waters_

My life was done. I was a mess for real and I fell into every counterproductive measure to make myself forget. To try to keep myself from drowning from guilt and pain.

_Always swimming back to shore_

I took up smoking, drinking, sex, anything to keep myself busy. To keep myself from thinking about Angie and that night.

_My addictions have no boundaries_

And then I met Jude…God Jude. She saved me from myself and now…now I was back to the sick cycle my life always seems to turn to. I can't be happy. I'm suppose to suffer for my past. I know that now. I was crazy to think that I could ever have a chance to be happy. To even try and go for it.

_Now I'm crying out for more_

**I looked over at Jude and then away, back at the road. She's so beautiful. I hadn't felt this good in a long time. This demo idea…it's great. I noticed Jude looking back at me and couldn't help a smile come to my face. **

"**OK! Out with it! The suspense is killing me!"**

"**Well, it's about…"**

_Can you tell_

"**Us."** **I finished, giving her a long look before turning back to the road. **

"**Us, us?"**

"**It's funny, when I was your age, I was a mess. Made some mistakes." Big mistakes. Ones I thought would never let me be happy again.**

"**I make mistakes." I couldn't help but smile at Jude's small statement. Her mistakes were like…mole hills compared to mine. **

"**Not like this…"**

_That I picked my poison well_

"**But when I'm with you, Jude, I almost believe I can be the man I should be." I looked over at her while I was talking, meeting her eyes to let her know that I was serious. **

_That I have no more to sell to you_

I downed another glass of Jack and winced as it burned my throat. Tonight was supposed to be the night. It was supposed to be perfect. I had it planned to a T. We were going to perform "Love to Burn" together. We'd announce our relationship and we were supposed to live happily ever after.

_Is it really that important that I settle down_

"**Have you got love to burn" I felt Jude's head rest on my shoulder next to me and I smiled, not breaking a chord as I sang and played the song I wrote for her, for us. "Kisses for days, don't you wanna grab onto something real, and never let it get away, and if it comes true, I only have love to burn, for you." **

_Does it really even matter that I have my doubts_

"**You wrote me a song?!" She said, sounding so shocked I looked away, hoping she didn't hate it. **

_I search for the one who bleeds_

"**I love it!" **

**I smiled and kissed her, loving the fact I could kiss her virtually any time I wanted. That she loved me and I could love her. That we could be happy. **

_I reach for the one who bleeds_

But nothing ever goes to plan. Nothing ever works out the way it's supposed to. And now, Jude thinks I don't love her.

_Like me_

I should have known better than to believe for a moment that I could be happy. That my life would work out. I guess I'm destined to be a loner. No one gets hurt that way.

_I have my doubts_

"**No. No. this accident? It was a sign, OK? This, it can't happen." I said, breathing hard, desperately trying to get Jude to understand.**

"**What? What?!" **

"**NO!" I yelled, making it clear to her that I wouldn't do this. Couldn't do this. **

"**God!"** **She yelled, I found it slightly ironic, yelling God in a church, and then she hit me. It didn't hurt, not really. Just enough to be annoying. I looked sharply at her and saw her trying to fight back her tears. **

"**Ow." She squeaked out and shook her hand. "Ow." She said again, looking like she was going to cry.**

_I have my doubts_

"**You never punch with your thumb in your fist." I offered. **

"**Yeah, thank you!" She said sarcastically. **

"**Just, let me see it." I said, taking a step closer to her to make sure she didn't damage her hand. **

"**Don't touch me!" She screamed, flinching away from me. He words cut deep. **

"**I was just trying to help." **

"**You wanna help me? Stop hurting me." I sighed. **

"**I saw her. In the road."**

"**Who?"**

"**This was a warning. Darius was right."**

_And so does everybody else_

"**OK, can you please speak like a normal person for once?" **

"**You see, that is just it. I'm not normal."**

_So help me take this all away_

"**I'm one of the bad guys."**

_You gotta help me take this all away_

Jude changed me. She gave me hope when I thought my life was near over. Georgia opened the door for me to give me a chance to do something with my life, but Jude…

_Please help me take this all away_

She made me alive. She…unfroze me.

_And bleed like me_

I was selfish though. She gave me so much and what do I give her in return? My baggage; my shitty past that no one should ever be exposed to. Kwest was right…Jude getting with me is the worst thing that could ever happen to her.

_So help me take this all away_

Hunter could, and would, kill her. Because of me, his life was thrown out. He's been rotting in jail for Angie's murder for the last five years because Darius twisted the facts around and made me claim I was too drunk to remember. Jude doesn't deserve to be wrapped up in my world.

_  
You gotta help me take this all away_

She deserves better.

_  
Please help me take this all away_

I felt my grip tighten on the glass in my hand. The more I thought about this, the more I drank, the more I wanted to forget. I got myself into this mess and I would get out of it. Somehow. Hunter would get his revenge one way or another. He wouldn't get Jude and it'd all be over. We'll be able to move on with our lives…I let out a bitter laugh. That fantasy would be nice. I thought bitterly and stood up, downing the rest of the liquid in the glass and threw it was hard as I could into the wall. The glass shattered into a million little pieces and scattered the floor. I watched it with morbid satisfaction; a perfect illustration of my life.

_  
And bleed like me_

I was snapped out of my thoughts by my cell phone ringing through the air. I turned my head back to the coffee table in my living room, seeing the CID screen glowing blue. I stared at it while it rang, mentally debating if I should ignore it or answer it.

_Is it really that important_

It rang a final time and I knew it went to voice mail. I crossed the room and poured myself another drink and stared at the liquid in the glass a moment before taking a drink.

_that_ _I settle down_

"**You don't know how many times I thought about asking you just…leave with me. But there are things you don't know." I told her, trying to get her to see why she shouldn't be with me. **

_Does it really even matter that I have my doubts_

"**I know I love you." She said and I felt every bit of resolve I had melt away. Jude Harrison loves me. "There's my look." She said before I kissed her with everything I had. **

_I search for the one who bleeds_

My phone rang again, alerting me of a voicemail and I ignored it. It was probably Kwest wondering where I ran off to, or more likely, Hunter calling to torment me further.

_I reach for the one who bleeds_

I finished off the glass and set it down on the table.

_I reach for_

Why didn't I just tell her the truth? I asked myself for the millionth time this evening.

_I reach for_

Jude wouldn't hate me…she'd understand. She'd…

_I reach for_

Probably hate me for what I did in the past. For being a coward and letting Darius pin Angie's death on Hunter.

_I reach for_

I heard a knock on my door and I looked up sharply at it. I felt my body tense as I stood up, instantly paranoid that Hunter had followed me home. I walked cautiously to the door and paused as whoever beat at it harder. More insistently.

_I reach for the one who bleeds_

I took a deep breath and flipped the lock and pulled the door open. I felt my jaw drop and my eyes widen.

"Jude?" I managed to say and she looked into my eyes, a look of pure agony in her tear-filled gaze and I felt like a selfish bastard for hurting her.

_Like me!_

_**TBC in Skin Deep**_


	2. Skin Deep

**A/N:** and part 2! Whoot! OK, so here's my plan…if you didn't already figure it out. Basically, I'm taking the general plot from the end of season 3 and putting my own special twist to it to keep it Jommy, all to Trapt songs. So it makes it a collection of oneshots to create an alternate universe for season 3. If this makes any sense what so ever. I'm not sure what the next song is going to be, It really depends on nowhere to run, but I do have plans to do one in Hunter's POV…kinda to fill in my background gaps but I need a bit more to his character before I can do it…I haven't gotten a feel for him yet and such. Anyway, I think this'll be differently cool for the rest of the season and a bit after, cuz ya know, I can't just let the season end in Jade or we have no idea-ness. That's just…wrong…on so many levels. Anyway, um…after this chapter, I'm not going to be too Jade friendly. Just a warning to any of you potential Jade shippers reading this. I'm guessing if you're reading, you're a Jommy cuz…well, I'm a jommy writer, even if I love to mess with them a bit for the sake of drama. Um….OH! Last thing, Running Back will be updated…Tomorrow or Sunday. It depends kinda on how work goes and such. Anywho my lovelies, enjoy the chapter and I hope you like it.

* * *

**Skin Deep**

_This Attraction_

'I don't love you' echoed through my head as he brushed past me and left. I felt tears sting my eyes and I tried hard not to cry. My bottom lip was quivering slightly and I bit it to keep it steady.

_Only to appearance_

First he says we can't be together, then we're together and then he wants to go public and I don't. When I announce us, he says I'm drunk and embarrassing myself…maybe I was, embarrassing myself because I caught him in his hotel room kissing my sister; his ex. The girl he supposedly didn't want.

_Becoming your religion_

I picked up a vase from the nightstand and hurled it with everything I had into the wall across the room. The vase shattered loudly and the floor was littered with tiny shards of crystal. My legs gave out suddenly and I was crumpled to the ground. My right hand caught me to keep me from falling completely down and my left covering my mouth to muffle the sob that threatened to escape.

This was supposed to be my year. Tommy and I were in love and…

_Looks are everything_

And now I'm stuck reliving my 16th birthday. My boyfriend cheating on me with another girl, Tommy breaking my heart and being publicly humiliated. You'd think I'd have learned by now.

_The only thing_

My mind was reeling and I was lost in confusion. I could feel tears streaming down my face and it only made me more annoyed. I didn't want to cry over him. I wasn't supposed to let him get to me like this. I was strong. I can be ok with out him. No matter how much I tried to tell myself this, the weaker I felt. I needed him and right now, I hated him for it.

_That means something to you_

"Jude?" I heard a voice on the other side of the door say.

I looked over at the door and took a couple deep breaths to try and get myself under control, but it wasn't working. My breathes were shaky and I couldn't stop the tears that ran like a river down my face.

"Yeah?" I managed to say, my voice broken from the lump of emotion in the back of my throat. I hated crying and it seemed ever since I won Instant Star three years ago, that's all I ever end up doing.

The door opened and I looked back down at the floor again, wanting to get my emotions under control but failing miserably.

_Satisfaction_

I hated how Tommy Quincy could make me so weak. Could break me so fricken easily. It wasn't fair. I didn't have this effect on him.

"Jude?"

I couldn't say anything. My throat was clenched tight. I felt my Dad's arms wrap around me and pull me close. I gripped his suit jacket as tightly as I could and just cried.

"Sweetie, what happened?" My dad asked, stroking my hair and trying to comfort me.

_Only on the surface_

I just shook my head and let myself cry, my brain trying to make sense of everything that happened tonight. Trying to figure out what changed.

_Your eyes are always focused_

"I'm gonna kill him." I heard my dad mutter under his breath and I pulled back to look into his eyes.

"No, dad, don't." I said, sniffling. "It was my fault."

_Go on and let it show_

"Jude, this isn't"

"I pushed him away!" I argued, tears filling my eyes and my brain flashing back to my talk with Speed earlier in the evening. "He was hurt when I told him we couldn't go public and I took it too far!"

"Jude, it doesn't excuse him turning you down before." My dad said angrily.

"Dad…I just…" I shook my head and took a deep breath. "want to get back to the party. Forget about him. This."

_That there is no_

"Are you.."

"Yeah…I'll be fine." I said, getting up and moving carefully to the mirror and assessing the make up damage my break down had caused.

"Jude…"

"Dad, I'll be down in a minute, ok?" I said, turning to face him. Dad didn't look convinced that I was ok. His eyes staring critically a long moment before he sighed and left the room. I turned back to the mirror and took another deep breath. My face was a mess and I was proud of myself for pulling myself together again.

I methodically fixed my make up and inspected myself in the mirror before closing my eyes. 'I love you.' I could still hear his voice, low and husky and filled with emotion when he said the words. I could still feel his warm breath on my ear when he whispered those three words to me for the first time and I shivered involuntarily at the phantom physical memory.

_Exception to the rule_

I opened my eyes and took a shuddering breath to force all thoughts of Tommy out of my mind. I took one last glance at myself in the mirror and left the room, taking the elevator back down to the lobby, determined I was going to have my night and wallow in self pity tomorrow. Maybe write a song about how Tommy Quincy is a selfish bastard and not even bother to try and sensor his name out of it.

"Jude!" I heard someone call as I stepped out of the elevator. I glanced around and saw Portia rushing towards me. I stayed where I was and let her approach me, wondering what was so important she had to rush to find me. As she got closer, I felt a frown fall on my face when I saw her soft and sympathetic eyes.

"I'm so sorry!" She said, her voice full of apology.

"About what?" I asked, pretending not to know what she was talking about, but I had a distinct impression it had to do with a certain someone who just broke my heart. Again.

"I didn't know he was going to handle this like that."

"Handle what?" I asked, feeling confused. Portia looked away from me and didn't say anything more; as if she regretted saying that last bit to me. "Portia, what did Tommy tell you?" I asked, my voice sounding desperate.

"Jude, it's…it's for the best." She said, taking a sip of her martini but looking none too confident about her words.

"Portia, what are you talking about?!" I demanded, feeling annoyed. What is it with people and talking in circles around me? First Tommy in the church when he rambled on about why we couldn't be together and now Portia? What was so big that everyone had to dance around and keep me in the dark? I'm a big girl. I can handle it.

"It's not my place." Portia muttered and I felt my jaw tighten and my fists clenched. I glared at her and brushed past her towards the exit.

"Jude, where are you going?" Portia asked but I didn't answer her. I didn't need to. If she wasn't going to answer my questions, I sure as hell wasn't going to answer hers.

I stomped down the stairs and was almost out the doors when I ran into someone. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" I said, looking up to see Jamie standing there. I blinked in surprise and just stared at him. Jamie?

_So fill the empty space_

"Sorry I'm late." He said, giving me a nervous smile. I just…stared at him. My brain still not completely processing his presence here and now. Jamie hated me. And he was here. Right in front of me. On my birthday.

"Jamie?" I managed to say.

"Jude, I'm sorry." He said, taking my hands in his and I just stared stupidly at him. "I've been treating you like dirt ever since Patsy died and"

"It's ok, Jamie." I managed to get out, my brain working over time to process him standing here.

"No, it's not." Jamie said, his eyes looking sad. "I wouldn't blame you if you hated me and"

"Jamie, I don't hate you." I said, feeling more like myself again and glad my best friend was finally talking to me again.

"Good," Jamie said, giving me a small smile. "Because, I realized something tonight."

"What?" I asked.

"I love you. I'm still in love with you." He stated and I felt my eyes widen and my heart stop. Blood pounded in my ears and I found I couldn't breath. He what?! My brain stopped working after that thought rang through my head and I was completely frozen, not even able to breath.

"I know this is sudden and," Jamie stopped and took a deep breath. "But I know I love you more than just like my best friend or the sister I never had."

"Jamie…I…I…" I stammered, trying to think of what to say.

"Just…think about it." He said, looking into my eyes, his filled with hope. "OK?" I found myself nodding stupidly and Jamie smiled before bending down and kissing my cheek. "Happy Birthday, Jude." Jamie said and stepped past me and I followed him as he walked into the party and left me standing in the lobby more confused than I ever felt possible.

_With another pretty face_

I managed to snap myself out of my funk and continued out the front doors. First things first, deal with Tommy. After that…well…then we'll see about the Jamie…thing.

I picked up the front of my dress and ran, as fast as one could in 3 inch heels, to the back of the hotel where the cars were all parked. I spotted the G Major limo parked in the back of the parking lot. Darius wouldn't mind if I borrowed it for a little bit; I hoped and rushed over to it. I knocked on the door to get the driver's attention, who was reclined back and snoozing in the drivers seat. I convinced him to give me a ride to Tom's with a picture and an autograph and I gratefully climbed into the back, thankful to be out of the cold night air.

_Skin Deep_

During my ride, I stared out the window and replayed everything in my head, analyzing and trying to figure out what happened. First Tommy…then Jamie…

"God!" I heard myself say, punching the seat of the limo next to me. I felt tears sting my eyes again. This was all too much.

_Skin Deep_

Why does everything always have to happen to me? Why does my life always need to be so damn complicated?

_No one will ever be perfect in your eyes_

I groaned and rubbed my throbbing temples, the rough beginnings of a very intense headache. This was all beginning to be too much. I really don't know how much more of this I could take.

_Skin Deep_

My mind flashed back to when I was singing Love to Burn. Tommy's eyes had gone from soft and loving to cold and stoic. At the time, I didn't really think anything of it, but…what changed? What caused him to…

_Skin deep_

Hunter?

"Miss Harrison?"

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up at the driver. "Yeah?"

"We're here." The driver told me and I glanced outside the window of the limo to see Tom's apartment building.

_Only scratching the surface for your prize_

"Thanks." I said, tipping the driver and left the limo. The man drove away before I could even decide if I wanted to escape. I was stuck here now. I took a deep breath and blew it out. I straightened my shoulders and approached the building, feeling less confident than I was trying to look.

I made it up the stairs with no real incident and as I headed towards his apartment door, my legs suddenly became made of lead and my heart raced. Tears stung my eyes as I remembered our last encounter.

_First impressions_

I sniffed and reached up to knock on the door and waited a long moment as I bounced nervously on the balls of my feet, feeling nervous.

"Come on," I muttered under my breath and reached up and knocked harder, more persistently. I heard the lock flip and my heart raced faster, blood roaring in my ears. The door opened and Tommy looked at me with a look of total surprise.

Just one look at him made the pain from the evening come back in a rush and I felt tears fill my gaze and a couple breaking my control.

"Jude?" He said, looking at me with confusion. I could smell alcohol faintly on him and I wondered if he was already drunk or just on the way.

_Are over in an instant_

"Can we talk?" I asked, emotion welling up in my voice and making me sound weak.

"I think everything was already said," He stated, his voice sounding steady and controlled. His eyes betrayed nothing and I hated he had so much power over me to make me so weak and he could remain so calm so…in control.

"I need answers, Tommy." I said, my voice stronger.

"Jude, I"

Before he could say anything else, I shoved him out of the way and entered his apartment. I heard him sigh as I turned around to face him again.

_You make your decision_

He closed the door and turned to look at me and I threw my arms in exasperation.

"So, I'm thinking you turned me down to get back at me for the no public relationship thing…but then…then I find you kissing my sister."

_Before you speak a word_

"She kissed me." He said, looking into my eyes.

"And…what?" I asked, trying to get him to talk.

"You walked in before I could do anything."

"OK, so what about"

"I told you." He snapped and I clenched my jaw feeling angry.

_You end your search_

"I don't believe you." I stated, stepping closer to him, invading his personal bubble and standing toe-to-toe with him. Tommy just stared me straight in the eyes, his still stoic. "Why did Portia feel the need to apologize to me?"

"How would I know?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. I saw his eyes betray his tone for a moment before remaining emotionless.

"Because she told me, and I quote 'I didn't know he would handle this like that'." I raised an eyebrow in response, waiting for him to try and deny everything again. Tommy remained silent so I continued on. "and on the way over, I got thinking…" I looked up and stared straight into his eyes to watch his reaction critically. "Hunter."

His eyes flashed with anger and his jaw clenched slightly. And, as soon as it appeared, it was gone.

"Talk to me Tommy." I pleaded.

"Let it go, Jude." He said, sounding oddly tired.

"Tommy, tell me. I need to know what's so bad that it caused you to break my heart again."

"What makes you so sure it was a something? Or a someone?" He countered. I just stared straight into his eyes, not giving up. I just hoped that I was right and not making a bigger fool of myself. He looked away from my eyes and sighed heavily. I watched him as he walked around me and over to the couch where he collapsed down into.

"Stay away from Hunter." He said, his voice sounding firm and defeated at the same time. I moved closer to him and watched as he picked up a glass of alcohol from the coffee table before him and took a drink before setting it down again.

"Why?" I asked and he laughed bitterly.

"Because he wants to destroy me." He looked away from me and shook his head. "Wadda ya know? Everyone was right." He muttered, probably more to himself than to me.

"Right about what?" I found myself asking, crossing my arms over my chest.

"That I'd ruin you." He said, so honestly and so matter-of-fact that it was like he believed it himself.

"I love you."

"You shouldn't." He responded without missing a beat.

"Well too damn bad!" I crossed the room and kneeled down before him. I reached out and took his hands in mine. He looked up from the floor and stared into my eyes.

_The page already turned_

"Portia and I…we ended when I cheated on her with Angie." He stated, taking one of his hands from mine and running it through his hair, causing pieces to stick up. I wanted to reach up and fix it but I squished the urge. He sat back from me and chewed on the inside of his cheek, as if trying to decide if he should be telling me about this. About Angie. The only thing I knew about Angie was she was close enough to him that he had kept a necklace in his jacket pocket and said goodbye to whatever hold she had on him back at the church…and she was a girlfriend. "You're a lot like Angie." He stated, his voice full of emotion.

"You loved her." I said, remembering how upset he seemed at the church when he didn't know I was watching him.

"I killed her." He stated, looking straight into my eyes. His blue eyes were filled with so much pain that I felt tears sting my own; I felt his pain in the bottom of my soul and I wanted nothing more than to take it away.

"I"

"No, Jude." He said stubbornly, as if knowing exactly what I was going to say. He probably did. "She didn't die because of me. I'm not just…feeling guilty. I. Killed. Her."

_Every conquest_

"5 years ago." He whispered, looking down at the floor again. I think he expected me to be disgusted, angry, scared…anything else except for what I was feeling. All I wanted to do was hold him and say it was going to be ok. To kiss him and tell him how much I loved him and how much I hated seeing how he was hurting. Despite what I wanted to do, I couldn't; it'd be a worthless course of action because I knew he'd never let me do it. "Darius, he uh…he passed the death on Hunter. He went to jail for a murder he didn't commit and I went free…ish."

"What happened?" I asked, not able to keep that question at bay. Tommy was silent for a long time. I just caressed the hand I was holding carefully, telling him nonverbally it was ok to tell me. I knew this had to be hard for him after so many years of keeping the subject quiet. "Look, you don't have"

"No, I do." He said, his voice shaky. "It's just…hard." He managed to get out. I stood up and took my hand from his and sat down next to him on the couch; close but not close enough to scare him away. I reached out and lay a hand on his arm. He looked down at it and then back at me.

"I'm sorry, Jude." He said, looking broken and defeated. "I should have just told you instead of listening to Portia and trying to stay away"

"To protect me?"

"Hunter wants to kill you. To get revenge. Says he wants to make me suffer."

_Filled with disappointment _

"I think you already have." I said sadly and he looked down and away from me, not acknowledging my comment.

"It was a car accident." He said suddenly and I knew we were back to talking about Angie again. "My life was going to hell and I didn't know how to fix it. I took up drinking like a recreational sport and…Hunter, Angie's brother, was my bar buddy. We met years ago, just before I auditioned for Boyz Attack and stayed casual friends. Anyway, it was late one night and we were coming home from the bar – Hunter and Angie lived together – and Angie and I fought about the drinking. She wanted me to go get help and I didn't think I had a problem. I stormed off before anything too stupid was done…or so I was thinking…and I guess…she followed me. I was so set on leaving and…" He took a shaky breath and I gave his arm a gentle squeeze. "I never saw her."

The pain in his voice brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to take him in my arms and hold him, but I knew he wasn't done with his story yet.

_Lacking any substance _

"I don't remember the cops showing up or who called or when even Darius showed up. The next thing I knew, D was telling me he'd handle it and before I knew it, Hunter was arrested for Angie's…murder, and I was thrown into rehab through the trial."

_Now you're out of words _

We were both silent for a long moment. I didn't know what to do or say and Tommy seemed lost in memories of five years ago. I felt overwhelmed but I knew one thing. I still loved Thomas Quincy DuToix.

_The lines are blurred _

Tommy sighed and stood up, turning around to look down at me.

"See why you should be with me? If I didn't end up killing you, Hunter will."

I looked sharply up at him, anger coming over me.

_You're never gonna learn _

"What?!" I demanded quickly, jumping up from my place on the couch. "How can you"

"It's the only way to protect you!"

"The Hell it is!" I yelled. I was furious. I was shaking I was so mad. I felt hot tears sting my eyes and I was determined not to cry. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to scream. I wanted to…just…urg! "What does it matter?!" I demanded.

"Everything." He said and I shook my head

"What is the fucking point?" I demanded. His eyes widened in surprise when I said fucking. I don't swear, not usually, but my God, I was beyond pissed. I was seeing Red and no other words seemed to fit. "News Flash Tommy! Hunter already knows you love me! He's still going to come after me, relationship or no!"

_So fill the empty space _

"I'm bad for you." He muttered after a moment of silence.

"How can you honestly believe that?" I asked, feeling tears fill my eyes as my anger faded slightly. He looked up and looked straight into my eyes.

"Because it's true."

_With another pretty face _

"No. No, it's not." I said and took a deep breath to prepare myself.

_Skin deep _

"Tommy, you are everything _but_ bad for me."

_Skin deep _

He looked like he was going to say something but I didn't let him talk. I had to get this out.

"You made me a better musician,"

_No one will ever be perfect in your eyes _

"You've helped me through so much. You're my rock, a constant that I don't know what I'd do without…I've tried!"

_Skin deep _

I stepped closer to him and touched his cheek.

"God Tommy, I've known you three years and I can't figure out how I ever got along without you; How I _Managed_ to be without you when you left." As I talked, his eyes softened a bit.

_Skin Deep _

"I _need _you, Tommy." I said, stressing need so hard to drive the point home.

_Only scratching the surface for your prize _

"How can all that be so bad?" I asked him, searching his eyes for an answer. "How can _you_ be so bad if I want to run to you when something goes wrong?"

_Skin deep _

"Jude…I…" He paused and sighed. I stayed quiet, letting him search for what he wanted to say.

_Skin deep _

"Just be honest, Tommy." I said, letting my hand drop from his cheek, tears filling my eyes again. Please Tommy, don't do this again. I mentally pleaded with him.

_No one will ever be perfect in your eyes _

Silence stretched between us and the longer the seconds ticked off, the longer I realized this wasn't going to happen. That he was trying to find a flaw to my argument.

_Skin deep _

I shook my head, breaking eye contact and looked down at the floor, feeling like a fool for throwing myself out there like that. I should have known better than to give Tommy Q my heart. I felt tears leave my eyes and I closed them, hoping that he didn't see and to try and get my emotions back under control.

_Skin deep _

"Jude, I…" Tommy started to say again and I didn't look up. I couldn't look him in the eyes as he broke my heart for the second time this evening. Maybe more; I honestly lost count.

_Only scratching the surface for your prize _

"I love you too much to see you hurt." He said honestly and I looked up, not bothering that tears were falling down my face unchecked.

_Skin deep _

"Then stop hurting me." I said for the I-lost-count-number of times before looking away from him again.

_Skin deep _

"Apparently, it's what I do best." He said, sounding half joking, half serious. He reached out and placed a hand under my chin and forced me to meet his gaze again.

_No one will ever be perfect in your eyes _

"I get it, ok." I said, moving just out of his reach. "You're hiding behind your past because you're too scared of this." I motioned between us and I sniffed and shook my head.

_Skin deep _

"Jude"

"No, Tommy. I'm done. I can't do this anymore." I said, pushing past him and towards the door to his apartment. I had to get out of here before I made a bigger fool of myself; a habit I apparently did with him very well.

_Skin deep _

"Jude"

"Just leave me alone, Tommy." I said, turning to face him before reaching for the door.

_Only scratching the surface for your prize _

I spun around and went to open the door only to have it close again. I looked over my shoulder at him, giving him as best a glare I could managed with tear-filled eyes.

_Skin deep _

"Don't go." He pleaded.

_Skin deep _

"Why?" I asked, giving up.

_No one will ever be perfect in your eyes _

"Because," he said and hands touching my bare shoulders. I jumped slightly, not expecting his touch.

_Skin deep _

I could feel him behind me, his breath on the back of my neck, and I could feel my knees going weak, my body betraying my resolve.

_ Skin deep _

His hands turned me around to face him and I let him.

_Only scratching _

"I'm sorry," he muttered, leaning his forehead against mine, our eyes staring directly into each other. His hands massaged my shoulders gently and I seriously prayed he wasn't about to play me for a fool again.

_Only scratching _

"Tommy," I managed to breath out, my voice shaky. "What're you doing?"

"Trying to make up." He murmured before kissing softly, lovingly, and passionately. The kiss made my legs grow weak and I had to grab onto him to keep myself standing. His hands cupped my cheeks, keeping me from pulling away. Not that I wanted to.

_The surface for your prize _

He pulled back sooner than I would have liked and I was dizzy and my body was made of jelly. I stared into his eyes, and all I saw was my look.

"Does this mean that we're ok?" I asked breathlessly and he kissed my forehead and pulled me to him.

"We're more than ok." He said and I lay my head in the crook of his shoulder and closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of him, the closeness. "I'm sorry, Jude." He murmured again.

"Just don't do it again." I managed to say and I could feel him shake as he chuckled.


End file.
